It Doesn’t All Have To Turn To Bleeep

I remember that day very clearly. I was at the lowest point in my life.

Mom was in the hospital, someone I loved so much, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had spent another night trying to sleep in the chair beside her but hadn’t slept a wink…

I was exhausted.

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

In the moments I was with her, I tried to give mom all my love just by being with her.

Sometimes I would tell her stories, sometimes I would read to her, put my hand on top of hers or under hers…..

Other times I would lower the bed bars and snuggle up beside her,

but I knew our time was limited and it was painful.

That was the first time in my life that I felt a physical pain in my heart,

I was hurting….

Leaving the hospital that day, I hadn’t slept much, and I remember feeling so sad she was spending her final days there.

In the hospital you don’t hear much laughter

In the hospital there are strangers everywhere

In the hospital the walls are grey

In the hospital the food tastes bad

And in the hospital the atmosphere’s depressing

We tried our best, we did everything we could to save her,

and now that she was in the hospital we brought pictures, movies, treats, family and friends surrounding her, guitar playing,

but it just wasn’t enough…..

she was still dying.

As I thought of all that,

hot tears started streaming down my face

and my body began to shake as I started sobbing.

I kept walking faster down the hall, I was crying uncontrollably and I needed to leave the hospital…..

and then it happened.

I stepped outside and felt the warm, summer sun on my skin

looked up and saw the bluest skies

heard the birds chirping

felt my body relax as the cool breeze rustled through the trees

….and then it happened…..

I smiled. I couldn’t help but think to myself, wow what a beautiful day!

In that moment I felt happy.

I only wished mom my mom could be with me to see it and feel it, just like I was….

I knew what she would say….

what a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL day and then she would soak it all in…..

and then just like that, my smile faded and a wave of sadness washed over me.

After realizing I had felt happy just then,

a wave of guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.

How could it be that after feeling so sad, I could walk outside and feel happy?

Even if it was just for a moment….

how could I find happiness when something so sad and terrible was happening?

at that moment with mom inside the hospital?

And then it hit me

It doesn’t all have to turn to shit.

Sure life was terrible knowing mom was in the hospital dying but in that exact same moment flowers were blooming,

the sun was glowing,

kids were playing,

but I was missing all of it.

I thought about it more and realized,

even in the darkest moments, happiness can be found somewhere if you let it enter your life.

I realized then that enjoying that beautiful summer day was nothing more than enjoying life as it unfolded

and while my heart still broke with mom’s situation

I was determined to take back the seed of happiness planted within me that day,

to the hospital, back to mom,

and share it with her,

that way we could both enjoy it together.

I know this from experience now,

that even when you’re down in the dumps,

you can always find happiness somewhere.

Don’t let life pass you by when you’re sad or down,

live it and enjoy it in the moments that you can

because that’s YOUR life that you’re missing out on

and if you let it

you’ll see that life is showering you with wonderful things in every moment.

This post is dedicated the one I most admire, my hero, my mom.

You taught me to view the world with amazing eyes

open my heart to possibilities

and so much more.

Thank you for everything you are in my life, and continue to be everyday in my heart.

Love you forever and always

Click pic below for a collection of uplifting thoughts

Give us your thoughts!

  • Your mom did an amazing job!

    Very heartfelt post..Great reminder to let the good things be good.
    Thanks.

  • Kat Heart Conscious Entrepreneurs

    Thank you for the encouragement! Appreciate it 🙂 May I ask what your 1st language is? I speak a few others (Spanish & French) so I was curiuos

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  • Kat Dominguez

    Thanks Anthony! Appreciate you reading 🙂